Checking In

When you are under 21 and in a serious relationship, you have a lot to deal with. Comments from others, peer pressure from your friends to go behind your S/O’s back, huge life transitions, and that’s just to name a few. The best way to deal with it all in my opinion, is to check in with your S/O every so often. Jacob and I did this every three months on the nose. What does “checking in” mean? I am glad you asked! Whenever you get to your check point, you sit down and have a discussion about everything you have been dealing with in the last three months that don’t come up in normal conversation.


Have you had any negative feelings toward your S/O? Have they hurt you in some way you didn’t feel like talking about when it happened? Has there been a new trend in your partner’s behavior that you’ve noticed that may be impacting people they love differently? How are your life goals coming along, and are your life goals still compatible? Are you helping each other become the best version of yourselves or the opposite? Are you going through any personal changes, and if you are is that affecting your compatiblity? These are some topics you might want to discuss with each other.


One of two things will usually happen, you guys will either walk away from this reassured or you will identify some red flags. When conflict happens, you will need to decide if it is something you two can work toward solving or if it is something that may be enough cause to absolve the relationship. The beauty of having these check ins is that you will be laying everything out on the table, if you need to break up this is a chance to have a clean break. One that isn’t born out of a crazed angry argument but one that is rationally decided on by both parties.


Hopefully you two will make it through these check ins more connected and sure of your relationship than you were before. You will absolutely gain clarity about your partner and yourself, which is the important part of dating/courting, and you will gain confidence in your relationship which you need as a shield when people come at you thinking they have gainful insight on your relationship when all they are doing is throwing stones. However, no matter if you stay together with your S/O when you have these discussions; knowing you are on the same page is everything you need to have peace with them and with yourself.